Age-long Antecedents of the Need for Approval

The need for approval is based on a single assumption. “Don’t trust yourself—check it out with someone else first.” Our culture is one that reinforces approval-seeking behavior as a standard of life.

Independent thinking is not only unconventional, it is the enemy of the very institutions that constitute the bulwark of our society.

If you’ve grown up in this society, you’ve been tainted by this attribute. “Don’t swear by yourself” is the essence of the need for tribute —and the backbone of our culture.

Make someone else’s opinion more important than your own, then if you don’t get their approval, you have every reason to feel depressed, unworthy, or guilty, since they are more important than you.

The bestowal of approval can be a great manipulator. Your worth is lodged in others and if they refuse to dole out their approval, you’ve got nothing. You are without worth.

And so it goes, the more flattery you need, the more you can be manipulated by others. Any steps in the direction of self-approval and independence of the good opinion of others are movements away from their control.

As a result such healthy moves get labeled as selfish, uncaring, inconsiderate and the like, in an effort to keep you dependent.

To understand this vicious circle of manipulation, consider the profusion of approval-seeking cultural messages, which began when you were a child, and which continue to bombard you today.

Comments

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