Skip to main content

Stop blaming external forces for your feelings

 You have grown up in a culture which has taught you that you are not responsible for your feelings even though the syllogistic truth is that you always were. 

You’ve learned a host of sayings to defend yourself against the fact that you do control your feelings. Here is a brief list of such utterances that you have used over and over. Examine the message they send.

  • “You hurt my feelings.”
  • “You make me feel bad.”
  • “I can’t help the way I feel.”
  • “I just feel angry, don’t ask me to explain it.”\
  • “He makes me sick.”
  • “Heights scare me.”
  • “You’re embarrassing me.”
  • “She really turns me on.”
  • “You made a fool of me in public.”

The list is potentially endless. Each saying has a built-in message that you are not responsible for how you feel. 

Now rewrite the list so it is accurate, so it reflects the fact that you are in charge of how you feel and that your feelings come from the thoughts you have about anything. 

  • “I hurt my feelings because of the things I told myself about your reaction to me.”
  • “I made myself feel bad.”
  • “I can help the way I feel, but I’ve chosen to be upset.”
  •  “I’ve decided to be angry, because I can usually manipulate others with my anger, since they think I control them.”
  •  “I make myself sick.”
  •  “I scare myself at high places.”
  •  “I’m embarrassing myself.”
  • “I turn myself on whenever I’m near her.”
  •  “I made myself feel foolish by taking your opinions of me more seriously than my own, and believing that others would do the same.

Perhaps you think that the items in List 1 are just figures of speech, and that they really don’t mean very much, but are simply figures of speech that have become clichés in our culture. 

If this is your rationale, then ask yourself why the statements in List 2 did not evolve into clichés. The answer lies in our culture, which teaches the thinking of List 1, and discourages the logic of List 2.
 

The message is crystal clear. You are the person responsible for how you feel. You feel what you think, and you can learn to think differently about anything—if you decide to do so. 

Ask yourself if there is a sufficient payoff in being unhappy, down, or hurt. Then begin to examine, in depth, the kind of thoughts that are leading you to these debilitating feelings.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is Biri marung?

Biri marung" is a term in Chewa/Nyanja, a language spoken in Zambia, Malawi, and parts of Mozambique. It directly translates to "hyena in the sky" or "flying hyena.  It is often used in folklore and traditional beliefs in African cultures to refer to supernatural beings or mysterious occurrences, particularly those associated with witchcraft or spirits. In music, "Biri Marung" is a popular Amapiano track released in November 2024 by South African artists Mr Pilato, Ego Slimflow, and Tebogo G Mashego, featuring Sje Konka, Focalistic, DJ Maphorisa, Scotts Maphuma, and CowBoii.  The song has gained significant attention, with its official audio available on YouTube.  Additionally, it has been featured on various music platforms, including Apple Music.  The track has also inspired dance challenges and covers on social media platforms like TikTok, contributing to its viral status.  "Biri Marung" has been recognized for its impact in the music industry...
Post a Comment
Read more

The world needs the Gifts and Skills that only you have

 TAP THE UNTAPPED. RELEASE THE RESERVOIR. Learn more at the Ransford Online School. Your life has the potential to fulfill your purpose. If, however, you imprison that potential, you rob your life of its purpose and fulfillment.  You and every other individual on this planet possess an awesome treasure. Too much of this treasure is buried every day, untapped and untouched, in the cemeteries of our world.  Much talent, skill and creativity have been lost to the world for want of a little courage. Many obscure men and women enter eternity pregnant with potential, with a still-born purpose. Living with ability brings responsibility. Dying with ability reveals irresponsibility. Everything in creation was designed to function on the simple principle of receiving and releasing. Life depends on this principle.  What if the plants refused to release the oxygen they possess or if we human beings refused to release the carbon dioxide we produce?  The result would be chaos...
Post a Comment
Read more

Worldview Matters

Worldviews are rules, values, beliefs and biases that an individual customer brings to buying situation.  If Jude got completely screwed the last time he bought a car from a used-car salesman, the worldview he has when visiting a dealership four years later is a little different than that of someone who is buying her third car in four years from the same place. If Nkechi sees her job as purchasing agent for a big company as one where she should avoid risks, she’ll view that new salesperson in her office very differently than if her understanding of her job is that she should cut costs by innovating and trying new alternatives. Different people, different worldviews. People can see the same data and make a totally different decision. Worldview Affects What's bought ! People don’t buy what we sell. They buy or want to buy what it will do for them. They want the way it will make them feel. What we sell is a means to an end. They are roads to achieve...
Post a Comment
Read more